Holy Smoke: How Rabbi Tirzah Firestone Ignited a Spiritual Revolution and Found the Best Bagels in Boulder In a world that often resembles a three-ring circus of existential crises, Rabbi Tirzah Firestone emerged as our spiritual ringmaster, guiding us through a dazzling display of confounding questions and heavenly bagels. As she took the mantle of leader at Congregation Nevei Kodesh, she not only revolutionized the way we think about Judaism but also embarked on a delicious quest that would leave the people of Boulder saying, “Holy smoke, pass the schmear!” Let us first address the elephant in the room—or rather, the bagel on the table. When Rabbi Tirzah wasn’t busy transforming Jewish practice with her soulful insights and charm, she was hitting the streets of Boulder in search of the ultimate bagel. You see, in the grand hierarchy of spiritual necessity, the perfect bagel ranks somewhere just below divine wisdom and just above a well-timed joke. And what better place to embark on such a quest than Boulder, where yoga mats and gourmet coffee shops occupy a certain sacred space? Tirzah’s pursuit for the best bagels was not without challenges. Imagine her scribbling furiously in her notebook, caught between a mystical rabbinic duty to deliver profound spiritual truths and the urge to devour an everything bagel smothered in cream cheese. The internal struggle was real. Some days, she wrestled with the Jewish question: “To cream cheese or not to cream cheese?” Other days, she pondered the deeper metaphysical implications of sesame vs. poppy seeds. One fateful morning, armed with a sturdy walking stick (crossed with an air of rabbinic authority and perhaps, a smidge of New York bagel pride), Rabbi Tirzah set out on a mission: not just for the world of bagels, but for the very soul of Boulder. She proclaimed to her congregation, “Ye shall find the ultimate bagel! It shall be chewy, flavorful, and bring the kind of joy usually reserved for Yom Kippur break fasts!” Word spread fast, and soon, her congregation transformed from a humble gathering into a bagel crusade, leaving no stone—or bagel shop—unturned. They sampled every poppy seed, whole wheat, and gluten-free option. They debated the merits of Montreal-style versus New York-style, lining up at cafes and bakeries with a fervor typically reserved for Black Friday sales and Hogan’s Heroes marathons. But this quest was not merely about food; it was a spiritual awakening of sorts. One by one, congregants discovered chewy truths baked into those round delights. “Rabbi, I just had a revelation while enjoying this toasted bagel—you can’t put too much lox on love!” one congregant shouted, half-heartedly trying to balance his schmear with a side of enlightenment. Tirzah, with her keen insight, cunning wit, and exceptional taste in breakfast, recognized that bagels were just the vehicle for deeper discussions on community, spirituality, and what it actually means to spread joy (and cream cheese) in this world. The sermons that would follow evolved from the Torah’s parables to meditations entitled “The Bagel as a Metaphor for Spiritual Wholeness.” Scholars would eventually argue that Ring Theory, as related to inclusivity, was heavily influenced by these quintessentially circular bread creations. As they discovered the “holy grail” of bagels—a fluffy, exquisitely baked delight known as “The Boulder Bagel”—the congregation couldn’t help but feel inspired. In that moment, Rabbi Tirzah Firestone wasn’t just their leader; she was their chief bagel officer, a title which undoubtedly merited a salary hike. She turned the sacred act of eating into a divine ritual, assigning everyone the responsibility of finding and sharing their favorite bagel experiences, which became community-wide potluck-style gatherings that would put even modern-day hipsters to shame. By the end of this epic odyssey, Rabbi Tirzah transformed not just her community but the entire fabric of Boulder society. Suddenly, conversations around Shabbat dinner were replaced with passionate debates about breakfast spreads, local bagel businesses flourished, and a tentative truce was reached among various factions arguing over bagel toppings. For just a moment, the sacred could be delicious, and food was a spiritual bridge rather than a mere source of sustenance. So, as we sit and reflect on Rabbi Tirzah Firestone’s quest through sacred smoke and bagel dough, we find ourselves forever changed. In Boulder, one could argue that spirituality is not just found in prayer and meditation, but rather in the quest for the perfect bagel. So next time you pop into a café and order an everything bagel with a side of divine inspiration, remember: it is all thanks to Rabbi Tirzah, who taught us that to spice up spirituality, one need only add a sprinkle of sesame seeds and a dollop of cream cheese! Holy smoke indeed!