In a stunning twist of fate, Jordan McGee, a mild-mannered accountant from Des Moines, Iowa, has bravely set his sights on the great South African adventure after discovering a two-week travel deal that was “totally not a scam” from a website called GetRichQuickTravel.com. However, Jordan is calling out for help—specifically, expert advice on how to survive this exotic journey without accidentally becoming an unfortunate meme. "I thought it was about time for a little cultural enrichment," said Jordan as he thumbed through a copy of “South Africa for Dummies,” the only book he had hurriedly purchased on Amazon Prime two days before his departure. "How different can it be? I’ve binge-watched a lot of documentaries and my favorite animal is literally a lion—how hard can it be to blend in?” Upon announcing his trip to bewildered friends, Jordan was met with several unsolicited travel tips, including whether or not it was safe for him to wear flip-flops in the Kruger National Park (it’s no, by the way). Enthusiastic volunteers even went so far as to suggest that he incorporate “Afrikaans” into his daily vernacular. Unsure of what Afrikaans was, Jordan assumed it was a new energy drink and added it to his shopping list. Undeterred by the potential dangers, including rogue monkeys possibly stealing his phone, Jordan has formulated an impressive itinerary. It includes a full day at a sunset picnic, where he plans on playing his live rendition of “Kumbaya” for wild animals. He’s also devoted an ambitious three days to mastering his “I’m not a tourist” face, a feat he believes will earn him the respect of locals and at least one free cup of coffee. In addition to basic survival skills, Jordan has recently developed an exceptional talent for overthinking packing. After watching a YouTube tutorial on “Travel-Proof Your Wardrobe,” he purchased an array of travel gadgets that promise to prevent intoxicated selfies, unsolicited encounters with exotic wildlife, and even a $20 inflatable giraffe. “It’s essential for my selfie game,” he justified to his cat, who seemed thoroughly unimpressed. His friends, now privy to his questionable decisions, have taken it upon themselves to launch “Mission Save Jordan.” They organized a fundraising dinner to buy him “The Encyclopedia of South African Culture” and to help him secure a guide who specializes in keeping clueless tourists—especially accountants—alive. Social media influencer and self-proclaimed “Travel Guru,” @AdventurousAmy, has already taken a keen interest in Jordan’s predicament and plans to document every moment of his trip as part of her new series: “Dumb Americans in Exotic Places.” A daring hashtag has even evolved: #PrayForJordan, featuring an array of increasingly absurd images that combine Jordan with local wildlife, from lions posing alongside him in the savannah to penguins attempting to walk away with his camera gear in Cape Town. As Jordan braces for his imminent adventure, he remains hopeful—albeit a touch naive. “This is going to be great! How much trouble can one accountant get into in a whole country?” he exclaimed, cheerfully oblivious to the fact that he had yet to check his insurance coverage for “wildlife incidents” or “accidental cultural faux pas.” So, as the world collectively holds its breath, one thing is certain: if there’s anyone who will emerge from a bizarre South African experience with tales that put even the wildest adventures to shame, it will surely be Jordan. Just remember, folks, when it comes to travel, sometimes it’s the journey—and the question of whether or not you’ll survive it—that truly matters.