In a bold but utterly predictable move, Florida’s young activists have decided to challenge the state’s Utility Commission, which they claim is “overwhelmingly more dedicated to fossil fuels than a 3-year-old to a cookie jar.” Armed with recycled protest signs and the fervor of their daily TikTok rants, these eco-warriors are determined to ignite a revolution—or at least a heated debate over avocado toast sustainability. “Why save the manatees when we can save the world?” exclaimed 17-year-old Sofia Greenage, clad in her best hemp outfit, perfectly reflecting her commitment to both style and the impending climate collapse. “Our future is literally going up in smoke, and no one seems to care! Just look at the smoke coming from our utility plants; it’s like they’re sending us an invitation to a really toxic barbecue!” In previous generations, kids protested the Vietnam War or marching for civil rights; today, they’ve turned to something far more radical: turning off the lights. And to think their forebears fought for freedom! Now it seems all they have to fight for is access to clean air and a planet that doesn’t resemble a dystopian movie set. “I mean, have you seen Miami beach lately? It’s like one bad storm away from a James Cameron film,” added Sofia, swiping through TikTok videos under the burning sun, oblivious to the glaring irony. The Utility Commission, meanwhile, remains steadfast. “We’re just keeping the lights on—literally,” said one official, while checking social media to ensure that any trending hashtags won’t land them in a digital firestorm. “Yes, we rely on fossil fuels, but have you considered how much energy it takes to publicly shame us online? Those protests weren’t free, you know.” In response to Sofia’s questions about renewable energy, a visibly exasperated Utility Commissioner responded, “Look, we built a solar farm once. It was great and all, but the maintenance costs just kept mounting—if we can’t charge for sunshine, then what’s the point? Plus, fossil fuels pair so exquisitely with our local shrimp industry!” He paused to sip his organic latte, a gesture that somehow perfectly encompassed the dazzling contradiction of modern environmentalism. Meanwhile, experts are quick to note that the urgency of these protests is competing with Florida’s growing tourism sector. After all, nothing says “environmentally friendly” like snapping selfies next to a bubbling oil rig while clutching a box of “organic” fried shrimp. “You can’t save the planet if nobody’s having fun, right?” chuckled the state’s leading promoter of fossil fuels and fun, who has been propped up as Florida’s tourism ambassador by the Utility Commission. As young activists concoct their next strategy—possibly topping it with a hashtag like #BurningOutFossils—the citizens remain as divided as the opinions on climate change. It’s clear, however, that while these youths may be charged up and ready for action, the reality of the state’s love affair with fossil fuels remains as hot and heavy as ever, leaving little room for the fresh, cool breeze of reform. In summary, the fossil fuel frenzy continues unabated, driven by the deep-seated conviction that “if it’s not broke, don’t fix it.” And as the activists prepare for their next demonstration, it’s sure to involve a dance-off, perhaps a well-placed TikTok about saving the sea cows, and plenty of irony to boot. In Florida, when the going gets tough, the tough just keep burning, literally and figuratively.