In an astounding display of optimism, environmental activists in North Carolina convened this weekend for a rally dubbed “Fighting the Unstoppable Climate Crisis.” Close to a hundred attendees wielded hand-drawn signs that read slogans like “Our Kids Deserve a Future” and “Save the Planet—Not Just Reddit!”—clearly in denial of the fact that Mother Nature failed to RSVP to their event. As the group gathered in a picturesque park, ironically named Civic Hope, they chanted catchy phrases that implored politicians to enact change—completely unaware that their representatives were busy holding a secret fundraiser with lobbyists from Big Oil, who were more than happy to donate to the “Let’s Ignore Climate Change” campaign. The activists even had the gall to hand out pamphlets detailing how to reduce single-use plastics, as volunteers snuck sips from bottled water while casually tossing the bottles into nearby recycling bins. Local activist Sharon “Hurricane” McGee passionately kicked off the rally by claiming that “the time for action is now!” while standing comfortably under a corporate-sponsored tent. When asked what specific actions they planned to take, she suggested they write strongly worded letters to state representatives, which, as experts predict, will carry the same weight as a soggy napkin in a flood. In the spirit of futility, the group also attempted to locate the nearest climate activist superhero, whom they called “Captain Change,” unfortunately realizing he was last seen driving a gas-guzzling truck to a fast food drive-through. As laughter echoed across the stage, clowns (not surprisingly, they had been hired to entertain, not address the climate) performed juggling acts with plastic straws. The crowd roared as one of the clowns clownishly declared, “If we can just distract ourselves enough, maybe climate change will forget about us!” A palpable sense of hope descended over Civic Hope; if they just pretended hard enough, maybe the average global temperature would drop by two degrees Celsius by 2080. Post-rally, participants mingled over gluten-free vegan burgers, held discussions about the merits of solar power—though it might just be a fad among affluent homeowners—and traded tips on composting while live-streaming an organic juice recipe to their friends. The comical juxtaposition displayed here was reminiscent of a small-town charity run where participants drone on about “curing hunger” while casually ignoring entire food deserts just blocks away. Undeterred by previous failures—like the last four years of disastrous hurricanes and wildfires that they can only watch from the safety of their couches—the activists promised to continue their fight against corporate greed and fossil fuels. “Next time,” McGee said hopefully, “we’ll get that tent sponsored by a local farm, instead of ExxonMobil!” Before the crowd dispersed, one attendee cheekily wondered if resigning to reality might be the most eco-friendly option of all. As the sun set on yet another day of hopeful ignorance, one thing became clear: nothing makes a rally climate-friendly quite like a collective denial wrapped in enthusiasm, all topped off with a refreshing dose of sarcasm.