In a shocking turn of events, Fed Chair Jerome Powell announced that interest rates will remain "on hold" while he patiently waits for President Trump's policies to thaw from their frigid state, likening the situation to attempting to defrost a frozen turkey in July. Speaking at a New York conference, Powell employed some rather unconventional metaphors as he explained the current economic climate, comparing the uncertainty surrounding Trump's policies to the mystifying moment when one realizes that a brined bird has been sitting in the freezer for far too long. "It’s like we’ve got this enormous turkey cooking in the oven, but we're waiting for it to warm up before deciding if we should baste it or throw it back in the freezer," Powell remarked, looking perplexed and slightly hungry. "While we're waiting, we can only hope that the trade wars and tax policies don’t end up like a Thanksgiving dinner disaster." Market analysts eagerly listened as Powell elaborated on Trump’s "policy casserole," which includes everything from tariffs that could sour international relations to tax cuts that have melted away savings faster than stock market gains. He firmly stated that the "net effect" of these changes would be what ultimately determines whether the economy would soar, plummet, or simply remain stuck under a pile of half-eaten turkey legs. As Powell discussed the unpredictability of government spending, one economist noted that it felt somewhat like watching a reality cooking show where the chef occasionally tosses in a mystery ingredient. "You know something's going to boil over, but you just don’t know when," the economist quipped, as he stirred his coffee, trying to come up with the perfect recipe for financial stability. Meanwhile, Treasury Secretary Mnuchin echoed Powell's sentiments, tweeting that "We are all just waiting for that perfect moment to dig into the economic feast. #WaitingforTrump." The tweet received varying responses, ranging from praise for the metaphorical clarity to confusion as to whether he was referring to politics or Thanksgiving dinner preparations. As the weeks pass, all eyes remain on Washington. Fed officials hope that once the turkey finally thaws and the last of Trump's policies can come to light, they can serve a delightful economic banquet instead of a cold plate of uncertainty. Until then, Powell seems content to sit and wait, possibly nursing a plate of thawed leftovers from last Thanksgiving as he considers what the future holds.