In yet another delightful turn of events, the global dread about the dying planet is apparently causing so much psychological distress that therapists are now needed to intervene. Yes, dear readers, not only is the world literally burning up around us (Wildfires! Heatwaves! Polar ice melting), but we're also being driven to despair thinking about it! Welcome to the swirling vortex of eco-anxiety that has made therapists richer than ever. Leading voices in the psychological profession are now recognizing ‘eco-anxiety’ as a legitimate concern. Of course, it wouldn’t be 2022 if we didn't invent a flashy new syndrome for people agonizing over the disconcerting reality that the planet could, theoretically, become uninhabitable. "Eco-anxiety is real, and it's growing, like a climate-changed super weed," reported Dr. Emma Gallows of the American Psychological Association, probably from her new yacht. She advises therapists worldwide to "swallow their own despair about melting ice caps long enough to help their patients deal with theirs. We're in a tidal wave of climate despair," remarked Dr. Gallows with an unexpected environmental analogy. As an evident symptom, affected individuals exhibit severe symptoms such as recycling obsessively, breaking up with partners over lack of composting, and developing a sheer pit of existential dread whenever they see a plastic straw. The more advanced in their condition might even be found sitting in a heap in front of their screens, weeping at the latest IPCC report, cursing human greed and stupidity, and whispering over and over, “Why can’t we just stop killing the planet?” "This is really becoming quite an issue," said Dr. Sandy Oceans, a renowned Eco-Anxiety Therapist, who apparently exists now because who doesn't want a fancy, specialized title these days? "I've had to start buying ice for my drinks because the glaciers melting are just too upsetting," she added in a tone of such profound, unironic seriousness that it seemed the irony might implode. Riding on the upsurge of environmental despair and the tech wave, a handful of Silicon Valley entrepreneurs are now preparing to release a mindfulness app targeted at 'Eco-Anxious', being advertised as 'the best way to meditate while the world burns.' At the same time, therapists are advised to use nature metaphors sparingly, for it could trigger an anxiety spiral about deforestation, species extinction, or worse, the growing worldwide desertification. Some therapists are even including, as part of the therapy, lessons on sustainable living. And this is a great double effort - planting trees to heal both the Earth and people's mental health! So, if you're staying awake at night, worrying about how the Earth as we know it might be decimated within your lifetime, let us not forget to mention… well, that sounds like a you-problem. Get yourself a therapist who specializes in eco-anxiety, embrace the paradox of living in constant cognizance of impending disaster, and maybe you'll feel better. After all, it’s only the end of the world.