In a bold move that has economists scratching their heads and trade analysts holding their breath, China has announced its unyielding 5% growth target for the year, reaffirming that who needs peaceful trade relations when you have stimulus packages that can rival state-funded fireworks shows? President Xi Jinping, in a display of optimism that would make even the rosiest of economists blush, stated that despite impending trade tariffs from the Trump administration that could make American goods more expensive than a luxury yacht, China remains committed to its ambitious growth goal. “Why focus on trade peace when we can simply pump more money into the economy until it resembles a fiery dragon soaring through the skies of prosperity?” said Xi, while throwing confetti made of currency notes. Market analysts are predicting that should tariffs soar any higher, Beijing will need to unleash a monetary bazooka that even the most seasoned market strategists will struggle to comprehend. “We can fix anything with liquidity! Who needs solid relationships with trade partners when you can just keep printing money and hope for the best?” exclaimed one overly enthusiastic economist, who asked to remain anonymous after realizing that his forecast had been based purely on a gut feeling and a cup of instant ramen. In the spirit of celebration, the Chinese government has promised fireworks displays across the nation, funded by the very stimulus aimed at boosting growth. “We’ll dazzle our citizens with a light show while the economic dragons fight it out in the background,” remarked a spokesperson from the Ministry of Economic Shenanigans. Critics have questioned the sustainability of such high growth targets amid a trade war, but they were quickly dismissed as party poopers. “It’s just a minor inconvenience. If our ship starts to sink, we’ll just keep adding to the lifeboats… and then fashion them into grand luxury cruise liners!” insisted an economist who seemed to be enthusiastically sketching out a new theme park: “Stimulus Land – Where Money Grows on Trees!” Meanwhile, as the international community watches with bemusement, Xi’s administration remains convinced that the solution lies less in resolving trade disputes and more in the age-old strategy of throwing a lot of cash at the problem until it magically disappears, much like the last batch of factory-produced toys that failed safety tests. As preparations for the annual gala to celebrate this brave new growth target are underway, one thing is for sure: if all else fails, at least the citizens of China will have a front-row seat to the greatest show on Earth – an economy dancing on the edge of a precipice, fueled by the relentless power of stimulus and the sheer will of the Chinese dragon.