In a bold move that has left cookie enthusiasts across the nation in tears, Canada has officially abandoned its plans for baked goods in favor of delivering a hefty arsenal of military equipment to Ukraine. The latest military support package, which resembles a wishlist made by a kid in a candy store—minus the candy—includes tens of thousands of rocket motors, a smattering of surplus warheads, and even the chassis of nearly 100 decommissioned armoured vehicles. Apparently, who needs homemade cookies when you can “bake” a victory! “Why send cookies when you can send rockets?” mused Defence Minister Bill Blair at a press conference riddled with metaphors that would leave any actual baker scratching their head. “Think of it as an upgrade: instead of chocolate chips, we’re using high-explosive shells. Very similar processes, really!” Canadians were initially confused by the government’s decision to forego its well-loved baking initiatives; however, a quick glance at the socially responsible military funding map—where all roads lead to armament—quickly put their minds at ease. “We thought about cookies, and we really did,” Blair continued, “but when it came down to it, the urgent need for military assistance trumped our desire for cookies on behalf of Ukraine. Besides, no one ever took down an enemy with a plate of oatmeal raisin.” The announcement came during a NATO meeting filled with discussions of strategy and global military partnerships. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, in a fittingly heroic pose, proclaimed “We are trading cookies for combat power!” while awkwardly balancing a tray of warheads and taking awkward glances around the room. The package doesn’t stop there. In a gesture that brought a new meaning to “training”, Canada will contribute $389 million over five years for F-16 pilot training for Ukrainians. "This is like teaching someone to bake a cake, except the cake is an advanced military aircraft and it can kill people," joked one analyst, who oddly resembled a pre-school teacher. While domestic cookie recipes gather dust in cupboards across the country, one bakery owner expressed hopes that the next shipment may include sprinkles. "Fingers crossed! Maybe they can send some sugar and flour with those tanks," she said hopefully, “You know, to keep up morale. Who could be sad with cookies?” But the message is clear: Canadian innovation is taking a leap from cookie recipes to tactical military maneuvers. For every warhead sent, another Canadian will quietly sacrifice baking for the greater good, dubbing themselves the unsung heroes of global diplomacy. As citizens contemplate this drastic shift away from baked goods, they can rest easy knowing one thing: next time they bite into a crunchy cookie, it may just be a metaphorical celebration for peace—in rocket form.