In a unanimous "Eureka!” moment, the United Kingdom, fresh off its rather uneventful Brexit, has decided to cut the green tape that was "suffocating" its dignified industries. Oh yes, it seems the heavy burden of environmentally friendly policies was just too much. After all, who needs fresh air, clean water, and sustainable energy when you've got independence, right? Since graciously bidding au revoir to the European Union, UK leadership has been eager to portray themselves as the Humpty-Dumpty of environmental policy, gleefully pushing over any renewable energy initiatives or conservation efforts that cross their path. If there is anything to dismantle, defund, or disregard, you bet the UK is first in line with a bulldozer and a cheeky grin. Despite the fond reminiscing of brief moments when the UK made strides toward combating climate change like the rest of Europe, the current bunch in Westminster has an unmistakable gleam in their eyes as they sift through mounds of red... erm, green tape. With a quick flick of their wrists, they're tossing hard-won environmental standards on the bonfire of their sovereignty celebration. So far, the fossil fuel industry seems to be the belle of the Brexit ball. Coal and oil executives have been seen waltzing in and out of Downing Street, bedecked in charcoal dust and oil stains, giddy with delight at the prospect of relaxing emission standards and caps on carbon dioxide. After all, what could be prettier than a skyline cloaked in thick smog? And let's not forget the brave fishermen, who can finally get back to the noble pastime of overfishing to their hearts' content, without any pesky interference from those lefty EU scientists warning about the collapse of fish stocks. Besides, fish and chips will taste way better with the tangy zest of an endangered species on the palate, won't it? The wind turbines patiently creating clean energy are being treated like inoperable warts by the government. Plans are afoot to either turn them into giant dandelions or supersized tetherball poles – whichever costs more and achieves less, naturally. Solar panel farms also might be turned into gigantic mirrors for politicians, should they feel like doing some soul-searching. And don't even get us started about the water quality standards; we wouldn't want to steer you off your morning tea. Let's just say that after eradicating all the ‘green tape’, the only clean water left might be in the glasses in Westminster's members bar. Surely, with all this disregard for the environment, one has to wonder if the UK is planning to rebrand as an environmental super-villain. But let's be fair, 'Dr No-Air' or 'Pollution-Man' doesn't really have a ring to it, does it? Perhaps they can hold a national contest to choose the perfect name; they seem to like those. As the UK cuts away the last sinew of green tape, we can only sit back and watch the unfortunate carnage unfold, as the UK seemingly decides to swap its green and pleasant land for a more... post-apocalyptic aesthetic. But hey, they got their independence, and isn't that all that really matters?