In a bold move that critics are calling "just what the world needed—more political drama," President Joe Biden announced a plan to dramatically cut U.S. greenhouse gas emissions by over 60% by 2035. Meanwhile, President-elect Donald Trump has promised to respond with a series of Tweets powerful enough to reverse climate change faster than you can say "fake news." Biden, who recently discovered that the term “sustainable” doesn’t just apply to his breakfast smoothie, aims to far surpass his initial goal of reducing emissions by 50% by 2030. "We need butterflies, not just more gas," he proclaimed while standing in a garden that looks suspiciously curated for a photo op. "This new target means we’re on track for net-zero emissions by 2050, and hey—maybe I’ll even plant a tree or two!" In what some are calling an unprecedented move, Trump immediately took to Twitter, where he claimed that "the climate is simply going through a 'natural cycle.' It's like when the Wi-Fi goes out—just reset it!" He further announced plans to "make the air great again" by encouraging more barbecue parties across the country, declaring sizzling steaks a "truly American pastime." Experts predict a surge in fast-food consumption as Trump supporters rally behind his plan, which features a new slogan: “If God meant for us to recycle, he wouldn’t have invented the dumpster!” Meanwhile, environmentalists are scrambling to create a new app that simply translates all of Trump's Tweets into “follow the science” lingo. In a bizarre twist, both leaders are reportedly collaborating on a highly anticipated reality TV show titled "Climate Change: The Ultimate Face-Off." Contestants will be judged on their ability to argue both sides of the climate debate while navigating obstacle courses filled with plastic straws and methane-emitting cows. As Biden kicks off his environmental crusade, sources close to Trump say he's contemplating a national "Indulge in Fossil Fuels Day," where Americans can "run their trucks all day long, just to prove a point." In a world that feels more like a theatrical performance than a serious policy debate, one thing is certain: climate change is bound to become the hottest (and coldest) topic of 2024. As the planet’s temperature rises, so do the stakes for political drama, meme quality, and the overall excitement of watching two world leaders try to out-Tweet each other into oblivion.