Title: Mind Squatted? Transcendental Meditation Ain't Just For the Yogis Anymore! Mind squatters rejoice! We've got a conglomeration of tips and tricks to claw your way out of the bludgeoning buzz of mental noise that uninvitedly homesteads in your cerebral abyss. And before we start, remember: meditation means never having to think, “Gosh, my mind feels so roomy. Maybe I should purchase some extra thought storage.” Transcendental Meditation (TM) originated eons ago from the monks in the highlands. It made a trendy resurgence in the 60s, championed by the Beatles and used as succinct excuses for drug binges and general anti-establishment behavior. Nowadays it's a wholesome remedy claimed to give the brain engine a well-deserved break and sharpen its performance, akin to taking your Sea Doo into the shop for a tune-up. But let’s hurtle towards the crux of the matter, shall we? Tip #1: Find quirky mantras Ah! The famed TM practice, the 'mantra.' This magical word or phrase allows you to effortlessly bob into a pool of silence, swiftly evicting the aforementioned mind squatters. Picking a mantra might seem easy; however, it's suggested to avoid names of loved ones if you rather not spoil Grandma Betty's moniker by repeating it five million times during meditation. Tip #2: Foster an 'Anywhere, Anytime' attitude TM enthusiasts proudly assert that meditation can be done anywhere. Yes, it’s perfectly reasonable to close your eyes and start chanting your mantra in the middle of your in-law's dinner. If someone questions - which we assure, they WILL - simply say, "I am transcending, please pass the peas in silence." Tip #3: Timing is… whatever Expensive retreats may follow fixed timings for meditation, but let’s face it – you're just working your way up from Ramen noodles. So, stick to whenever! If you happen to feel transcendental while waiting in line at DMV, closing your eyes and bursting into a gentle hum will undoubtedly make the experience more bearable, for you and for those nearby. Tip #4: Do less to achieve more In TM, the harder you try, the harder you fall. Doing less is the way forward. Approach your meditation with the enthusiasm of a sloth reaching for a distant branch. Apply this principle to other areas of your life too. Intervening in your kid’s brawl over the last chocolate cookie? Remember: do less. Your subsequent stress levels will thank you. Tip #5: Embrace the weird The science behind TM asserts that your brain will touch depths of quiet one has never experienced. Anticipate bizarre reactions: a sudden chuckle, a bout of tears, or even an unexpected nap. Show some grace and simply refer to these as "special releases", facilitating your transcendence levels, or so they say. Summing it up, meditation is not just for the spiritually evolved Gurus, monks, or limber Yoga folks. It’s for everyday multi-tasking, nerve-wracking, mentally harboring escapists like you and me. So, toss your troubles away and dive headlong into the transcendental solution – let the magic (or the weird) unfold.