Title: "The Glorious Guide to Gaining Gallstones: A Rock-Solid Plan for Pain!" Congratulations! You've decided to take control of your health in the most illogical way possible - by actively aiming to acquire a fantastic gathering of gallstones. Surely, people have told you it's a ludicrous idea but remember, gallstones could potentially award you with hours of agonising pain, countless emergency room trips and a ticket to surgery! And isn't that what life is all about? After all, who wants to enjoy cholesterol-free foods, regular exercise, and a body mass index within the ideal range when you could be the proud owner of a boulder-sized gallstone instead? So, without further fanfare, let's plunge into the steps you can take to achieve this exemplary health goal - from the incremental stone-building to the glorious pain relishing. **Step 1: Be Incredibly Inactive** They say that an apple day keeps the doctor away, but who needs apples when you can have a roaring battle with the sofa springs every day? Exercising is for health-obsessed folks, and remember, you're certainly not that. Your fastened loyalty lies with the TV remote, your smartphone, and your love affair with the couch. **Step 2: Embrace the Fat, Banish the Fiber** Remember, fruits, vegetables, and whole grains are the sworn enemies of gallstones. When you’re aiming to earn yourself the most antagonizing organ rocks, these fiber-rich foods will only ruin your ideal pain prospectus. So make sure you saddle yourself up with high-fat, cholesterol-packed dishes at every opportunity. Swap that quinoa for a platter of fries, and don’t you dare look at broccoli unless it's swimming in a pool of cheese! **Step 3: Pile On the Pounds** Gaining gallstones is a dignified art, and a high body mass index is your canvas. Pile on the pounds without remorse. Remember, the undesirable BMI is the badge of a gallstone champion. **Step 4: Embrace the Pain** You won't transcend into a gallstone guru until you learn the art of reveling in pain. When it feels like a miniature Godzilla practicing MMA in your abdomen, you'll know you've hit the jackpot. And there you have it, an ironclad guide to self-sabotage by gallstones! Follow these tips, and your journey towards orchestral organ agony should be as smooth as a buttered slide down a greasy hill. However, if for some whimsical reason, you decide this path isn't appealing and aim for optimal health instead, simply reverse the steps listed above. But why opt for a mundane, pain-free life when you can endeavor to gain gallstones? After all, who needs sanity when one can savour the staggering ecstasy of gallbladder agony?