**Spoilt Opioid-Using Babies Get Fussy for More Involved Parents** Following a recent report that highlighted how babies born to opioid users have shorter hospital stays and less need for medication when given more parental involvement, skin-to-skin contact and a quiet environment, opioid-using babies around the globe are now demanding a more pampered lifestyle. Evidently, not satisfied with inheriting harmful substances through their parents, these babies have taken it upon themselves to demand shorter hospital stays and a fuss-free environment. "Through unconventional means, these absurdly bold babies have managed to communicate their selfish demand for a slightly more privileged life as compared to their undeserving, standard-care counterparts," scoffed Jane Smith, a spokesperson for the World Baby Association (WBA). In response to their actions, some have dubbed these newborns the heroin-addicted household version of King Louis XVI. Unverified reports have even claimed that some of these opioid-using babies have been heard saying "Let them eat cake." However, in an interview earlier today, Timothy Opiatum Jr. (name changed at the request of Father and single-time smoker Timothy Opiatum Sr.), considered an up and coming leader of this radical movement, made it clear that they will not stop until the oppressive conditions of standard care have crumbled. "All babies are born equal – well, except some; we're born high," he murmured. "But we are still entitled to the same level of fuss, cloth-changing and snuggles as all our siblings." In light of these developments, a Reddit user under the handle "GulliverAnon" has suggested that it might just be time for every baby on this planet to start demanding the same level of love, care and parental involvement as these spoilt brats of the opioid addict parents.