NEW YORK, NY - In a groundbreaking geological revelation today, experts announced that the iconic New York City skyline will soon resemble a modern-day Titanic, with skyscrapers sinking into the earth at an alarming rate. Epitomizing the old adage, "the bigger they are, the harder they fall," these concrete behemoths are experiencing a phenomenon experts are calling "urban subsidence." As if an insufferable plague of rats, astronomical rent prices, and incessant subway delays weren't enough, this new disaster comes as the final nail in the coffin for a city once dubbed "the concrete jungle where dreams are made of." "It's really just a matter of time before all these big, tall, flashy buildings come crashing down like Jenga blocks at a drunken house party," said Dr. Jill Scaremonger, one of the leading geologists behind this harrowing discovery. "The earth beneath this city is about as stable as a soufflé on a trampoline. Maybe it was never a good idea to build thousands of giant concrete phalli on a glorified sandbox." New Yorkers, famous for their unflappable stoicism in the face of adversity, appeared largely unimpressed by the threat of a collapsing skyline. "Sinkholes, shminckholes. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere," said longtime resident Jerry Panhandler, a shameless garbage-picker and self-declared "mayor of underbelly Avenue." Meanwhile, Mayor Ima Shaken, in an effort to reassure the masses, emphasized that these sinking buildings were just a clever marketing ploy to transform Manhattan into a new global hotspot for adventurous tourists. "Think of it like Venice, but edgier," she said. "Sinking City: the new must-see New York attraction!" While scientists warned that the city's subsidence could lead to devastating problems in the near future, real estate moguls took the news in stride. "We're already brainstorming new ad concepts, such as 'Sunken Luxury Condos,' and 'Dive into Stylish Upper Floor Penthouses'," explained a sanguine Beverly Highrise, CEO of Leech Realty. "This unique phenomenon just creates more opportunities to sell people dreams they didn't know they had." In an ironic turn of events, the city's sinking has breathed new life into long-suffering paper boat makers who have been languishing in the shadow of the paperless world. "Business is booming!" exclaimed Timmy Foldingson, a street vendor peddling his origami fleet to the masses. "They'll need a fleet of these little beauties to navigate the city streets soon enough!" With collapsing skyscrapers, flooding streets, and the future possibility of tsunamis, the question isn't if the city will survive, but rather how long tourists will continue flocking to the sinking city that never sleeps – or floats.