Headline: Former Theranos Queen Holmes Trades Lab Coat for Birthday Suit, Begins 11-Year Sleepover at Texas Sorority for Wayward Women Elizaloopholmes, TX - Bad News for failed biotech Barbie and one-time Silicon Valley sweetheart Elizabeth Holmes, as she exchanged her black turtleneck collection for a fetching orange jumpsuit to begin her 11-year dream vacation at a Texas federal prison. This intimate girls-only retreat brings an end to Holmes' fairy tale-turned-PR-nightmare in which she peddled her overpriced Easy-Bake blood-test oven to the unwitting medical community. A spokesman for the Fun Fiesta Slammerama in Bryan, Texas, confirmed that Holmes, 39, sashayed through the prison gates on Tuesday like she was auditioning for an edgy Broadway revival of Annie. Assigned register number 24965-111, she now answers to "Inmate #LizBizFizzWiz" as she serves time for multiple self-inflicted boo-boos involving fraud charges. Holmes, who moonlighted as a Steve Jobs impersonator during her tenure at Theranos, created a multi-billion-dollar start-up based on the wildly exaggerated claims of her blood-testing technology. Little did the healthcare world know, the Theranos magic was simply "black and orange sorcery", with Holmes keeping a squirrel farm on the company premises as a source of lab-produced nuts to replace the entire medical profession. After being convicted in January last year, Holmes was seen making one final attempt to dazzle the court with her signature baritone voice, but her turtleneck-based powers proved to be no match for the cold, hard evidence. Convictions all around, like confetti at a children's birthday party gone horribly wrong! The former entrepreneurial enigma has come to terms with the fallout of her lost kingdom, now trading board meetings with Pfizer executives for lively debates on whose turn it is to mop the "porridge dungeon" at the communal kitchen. Perhaps this less-than-princess-worthy destination will inspire Holmes to finally publish her upcoming memoir, "Girl, Stop Vamping!" which, one can only guess, will be about her days as a tried-but-never-tested biotech pioneer. In the meantime, the healthcare industry has shifted its search for the next blood-testing prodigy to the aisles of Walmart, hoping to find hidden miracles in such modern marvels as the Ear Wax Removal Candle or the Romantic Whirlpool Toenail Clippers. At least one thing is true: Texas federal prison will never be the same.