EPA Insists Pennsylvania Shares 'Chesapeake Bay's Pollution Spotlight' with Virginia and Maryland BALTIMORE, MD - In a surprise announcement Thursday, the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has ordered Pennsylvania to ease up on polluting the Chesapeake Bay and give other states a chance to contribute. "For years, Pennsylvania has selfishly hogged the spotlight when it comes to Chesapeake Bay pollution," said an EPA spokesperson at a press conference. "Valuable pollution opportunities are being denied to other states like Virginia and Maryland." The EPA has provided Pennsylvania with a detailed "Share-the-Pollution Plan," which highlights various measures that the state can take to make way for other polluters. These include cutting back on excessive agricultural runoff, upgrading outdated sewer systems, and putting a temporary ban on the most enthusiastic industrial polluters. "We really appreciate what Pennsylvania has brought to the table over the years - it's just time that they were a little less giving," says an anonymous Maryland delegate. "I mean, we're not saying we're going to take over the pollution game, but let's be fair, isn't it high time we all got a fair share of the pie?" Residents of neighboring states have joined in on the call for equal distribution of pollution potential. A local Virginia man said, "It's frustrating to see Pennsylvania hogging all the polluting action. We deserve a chance to make our own local rivers and bays just as awful." Meanwhile, Pennsylvania's Department of Environmental Protection (DEP) has responded positively to the EPA's request, citing "team spirit" as an essential part of sharing pollution equally. "Our beloved Chesapeake Bay deserves nothing but the best, and if that means sharing the limelight so other states can also contribute to its steady degradation, then so be it," a DEP spokesperson said. The EPA will closely monitor Pennsylvania's compliance and provide monthly progress reports, with an annual "Polluters Reward Ceremony" set to take place in the summer to encourage fair competition among participating states. As for sharing the pollution accolades, Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Maryland are reportedly already working on designing a "Pollution Trophy" to symbolize their united commitment to destroying the Chesapeake Bay.