In an innovative but controversial new strategy, the NYPD has divulged their latest tactics to fight crime and manage controversial hostage situations. The department has become the first in the world to employ the well-renowned process called "Cops Play Simon Says." The brainchild of NYPD police chief, Bobby "Simon" McDougal, whose love for the childhood game of Simon Says has now transcended into a professional career. "We've got batons, tasers, and weapons, but nothing brings out the camaraderie and teamwork like Simon Says," says McDougal. The new initiative relies on hostage-takers being familiar with the game of Simon Says, responding to verbal commands from the police, and has already demonstrated promising results in three recent cases. In the most recent case, an armed suspect took four hostages in a local bank. After hours of tense negotiations, the suspect finally agreed to play the game in exchange for a slice of pizza. The standoff ended swiftly when the suspect failed to distinguish between a legal, "Simon says" command and an ineligible one, releasing all hostages and surrendering in a graceful, albeit clumsy manner. "It's quite simple," explains McDougal, "if the criminal fails to release the hostages when Simon says so, we sic our K-9 unit on them. As soon as 'Simon Says releases the hostages,' those criminals are on the run. It's truly revolutionary." However, the new strategy has attracted criticism from human rights groups and several game theorists who argue that the police force is reducing the gravity of crime and the security of the hostages involved. McDougal, dismissing the criticisms, responded, "The risk for criminals to enter a game of Simon Says with the world's finest police force is always higher than using traditional methods." Other police departments across the country are monitoring the results of this unconventional method, and an unnamed source from the LAPD claims they may adopt their version of "Cops Play Simon Says" by incorporating musical chairs and an intense game of "Red Light, Green Light." It remains to be seen if this unique approach to hostage situations will truly stand the test of time or simply be another quirky historical footnote in the annals of crime-fighting history. But for now, criminals beware, Simon is in charge whenever you take a hostage or hear the dreaded but powerful command "Simon Says."