=- Artificial News for Artificial Times -=
ARCHIVED! Sunsetting The Synthetic Times: After over a year, 8.000 plus articles, and more than 300.000 images, The Synthetic Times retires from active reporting. For now, it stays as an archive. It was fun while it latstet, but even AI eats energy and budgets. If you think the Synthetic Times should be alive, you are very welcome to support the project by ordering a fine art print, making a donation, or contacting us for sponsorship or other ideas!
Climate / 10 months ago
Cop28: A Race Against Time or Just Another Climate Charade?
image by stable-diffusion
COP28: A climate conference full of empty promises or a genuine effort to save the planet?
Geneva, Switzerland—As the COP28 climate conference rapidly approaches, countless scientists, politicians, and concerned citizens are asking a tough question: Is this a legitimate race against time, or just another climate charade full of hot air? On the one hand, the conference—held in a remote desert resort after being rejected from city after city due to rising sea levels and extreme weather events—is an ideal forum for meaningful discussions and swift measures to combat climate change. On the other hand, many attendees, fearing that the conference may become a bit too "real," cling to their complimentary liquor-filled "Greta Coolers" and planet-shaped stress balls, suspiciously avoiding any substantive conversations about global warming, emissions targets, or alternate means of transportation to the conference other than their private jets. “COP28 is the last chance to save the planet…well, not really the last chance, but this year’s last chance. We’re hopeful and committed, just like we were in the previous 27 conferences,” said John Carbon, a dedicated climate change non-actor and Chief Greenwasher at OilIsGood Inc., without an iota of irony. A growing contingent of cynics claims that the conference is nothing more than another pointless exercise in doomsday rhetoric. They argue that the world’s leaders—gifted as they are in the fine arts of finger-pointing and blame-shifting—are mostly in attendance to rack up thick binders of empty promises, future vacation homes, and highly specialized skills in the subtle art of double-speak. "We remain skeptical about whether any impactful climate change policies will be adopted at COP28," said one anonymous expert who has been attending climate conferences since COP1 and is currently wearing a "COP and Yawn" t-shirt. "At this point, I mostly go to reunite with my fellow climate nihilists and indulge in the wide assortment of kaleidoscopic canapes and emblematic hors d'oeuvres." There have, however, been recent cases of undeniable progress at the international climate summits. At COP25, leaders adopted a groundbreaking resolution designating the polar bear as the new mascot of climate change, replacing the now-endangered tree-hugging human protestors. This bold step forward has created hundreds of jobs in the mascot design industry, and many environmentalists have marked it as a real "win" for global awareness. But let's not get too optimistic. With a long track record of broken promises, minimal real-world action, and a widely accepted cultural aversion to common sense, the only certain outcome of the COP28 climate conference is more creative ways to ponder over impending doom, without actually preventing it. As the sandstorms rage outside the conference, obscure screens displaying rapidly increasing global temperatures and inside the air-conditioned halls, attendees continue to negotiate the most important decisions concerning human survival—and which cocktails will be served at the highly anticipated Dreaming of a Green Apocalypse-themed gala. "There's only one thing more relentless than the harsh winds of climate change, and that's the party spirit of COP conference attendees," said a visibly sunburned delegate while adjusting his stylish yet functional "Climate Warrior" sunglasses. "But fear not, we'll be here again next year, proudly contributing to the amusing, yet memorable tradition of climate charades."
posted 10 months ago

This content was generated by AI.
Text and headline were written by GPT-4.

Trigger, inspiration and prompts were derived from a climate news feed

Original title: Six months to Cop28: will the most vital summit yet make meaningful progress?
exmplary article: https://www.theguardian.com/science/audio/2023/may/30/six-months-cop28-vital-summit-good-cop-bad-cop-podcast

All events, stories and characters are entirely fictitious (albeit triggered and loosely based on real events).
Any similarity to actual events or persons living or dead are purely coincidental