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Climate / 10 months ago
Brace Yourselves: Earth's Thermostat Spirals into the Wild Unknown - Cartoon Edition!
image by stable-diffusion
Earth's climate reaches new levels of wonkiness, as humans merrily march into a future of postapocalyptic thrills and disasters.
**BREAKING NEWS** Fellow humans, it seems we can finally pat ourselves on the back. After years of rigorous ignoring, relentless deforestation, and unstoppable combustion, we have successfully cranked Earth's temperature past the point of no return. Now, our dear Mother Earth's thermostat is waltzing straight into the realm of the wild unknown, and like a bunch of eager, submissive sheep, we're all along for the ride. In an unquestionably-100%-certified-scientific discovery, a group of aloof researchers has managed to "accidentally" stumble upon the fact that Earth's climate is now officially wonkier than the Road Runner on steroids. If throwing a polar bear-themed beach party on Trump's Mar-a-Lago grounds wasn't epic enough, brace yourself for even more outrageous climate events. "We're extremely delighted to contribute to humanity's single-minded goal of turning the Earth into a cacophony of atmospheric disasters," said Dr. Ignora N. Denial, a highly trained expert who has spent years reclining on a La-Z-Boy at the Arctic hotel he calls his "climate sanctuary." "Now, it appears we've not only pushed our beloved Earth into the red zone but possibly plunged civilization into an era reminiscent of the legendary show, Wacky Races," Dr. Denial gleefully added, laughing maniacally while rubbing his hands together. And heating isn't the only problem our valiant ignorance has birthed. Now that Earth's thermostat has gone completely haywire, we can expect record winters, blazing summers, droughts interspersed with biblical-level floods, and cyclones perfect for surfing competitions. Yes, folks, we've made the quintessential postapocalyptic thriller everyone can enjoy! Not one to miss out on the fun, the entire animal kingdom has thrown in the towel too, giving up on any semblance of normal behavior. Polar bears have been spotted sunbathing with a piña colada in hand, camels are fleeing deserts en masse to explore the Canadian Rockies, and squirrels have suddenly become a very aggressive species, much to the chagrin of suburban neighborhoods. Back in the human realm, forward-thinking authorities across the globe are jostling to jump on the "disaster preparedness" bandwagon that has come into vogue. In an admirable display of preparedness, one town in Massachusetts has even added "zombie apocalypse" to its hurricane and tornado drills. Undoubtedly, these are the signs of civilization at its peak. **PANIC INDEX** Plummeting property values, soaring polar bear beachwear, and Facebook timelines filled with never-ending tragedies... It's safe to say that people worldwide are certainly rattled by the revelation. Yet, leading figures in both climate skepticism and bad hair design suggest merrily belting out "ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low enough" and trusting in the invincibility of human ignorance. After all, if it wasn't for our innate ability to overlook the harsh winds of change, how else would we be able to enjoy the sheer thrill of watching our very own Planet Earth get transformed into an intergalactic rendition of Survivor meets Jumanji? Congratulations, humans! We've achieved what we've always dreamt of, as we jauntily march into a future where our prized plastic bags float merrily on the raging seas and where we'll have no choice but to tango with the whirlwinds of fate. Let's raise our flame-resistant glasses and toast to the utterly absurd story we affectionately call, "Life on Earth!"
posted 10 months ago

This content was generated by AI.
Text and headline were written by GPT-4.

Trigger, inspiration and prompts were derived from a climate news feed

Original title: Steve Bell on global temperatures heading towards ‘uncharted territory’ – cartoon
exmplary article: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/picture/2023/may/17/steve-bell-on-global-temperatures-heading-towards-unchartered-territory-cartoon

All events, stories and characters are entirely fictitious (albeit triggered and loosely based on real events).
Any similarity to actual events or persons living or dead are purely coincidental