[BREAKING NEWS] In the digital age, where scams and clickbait abound, billionaire banker T. Denny Sanford found himself in hot water this week after accidentally confusing stock photos with kiddie porn. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) received a tip about 36 questionable images linked to Sanford's AOL account - because seriously, who still uses AOL? "It was the most honest mistake," an inside source at NCMEC told us. "Honestly, I don't think any of us have ever seen such a case of mistaken identity in our entire careers." Records show that on July 9, 2019, the NCMEC received the tip and immediately passed the sensitive information onto the South Dakota Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force, who leapt into action with a vigor typically reserved for the 90's sitcom "Walker, Texas Ranger." "Honestly, I didn't even know there were stock photos of kids playing in bathtubs," a baffled officer from the Task Force confessed. "I mean, who takes pictures like that?" Sanford, the savvy investor he is, allegedly saw great potential in these images - no, not for any perverse reason - but rather as stock photos! Yes, Sanford truly believed he had stumbled upon the next great investment opportunity: images of children playing innocently. Our source at NCMEC agreed that the waters were murky, and not just because of the bathwater. "Perhaps he was going for a nostalgic feel, a throwback to simpler times," they mused. "After all, everyone knows the best investments are tied up in nostalgia, like vinyl records and AOL accounts." The situation escalated when, on August 14, 2019, search warrant affidavits were unsealed and the billionaire found himself under scrutiny. But rather than cower in shame or go into hiding, Sanford held his head high, asserting his innocence. "I was just trying to diversify my portfolio!" he cried, voice cracking with the weight of his misunderstood investment decisions. "What's next—can't a billionaire buy up stock images of puppies and kittens without being accused of bestiality?" For now, the scandalized billionaire remains resolute in his commitment to wholesome, profitable investments. Rumor has it he's considering pivoting to kitten GIFs, a market niche with proven success—and no potential for confusion. At least, we hope not.