WASHINGTON (AP) — In a groundbreaking athletic feat, President Joe Biden outshined the 2023 NCAA Champions with a jaw-dropping dunk during a White House basketball party on Friday. The surprising hoop action took place during a jovial event meant to celebrate the triumphs of LSU’s women’s basketball team and the victorious men’s team, whose identity remains a mystery due to classified and privileged information. First Lady Jill Biden also joined the festivities, offering orange slices and sips of democracy-juice to the student athletes. While many considered the gathering a casual, fun event to mingle with the nation’s leaders and take pictures, the 78-year-old president decided to tap into his beloved pastime, showing off his basketball prowess in a bid to win the hearts of the players. “Look, folks, back in my days as a lifeguard named Corn Pop, I used to school local 76ers on the courts of Wilmington,” declared the Commander in Chief, before pulling out a pair of Air Force One sneakers and fastening them up. Witnesses confirmed that President Biden dribbled down the makeshift court with blinding speed, momentarily disorienting the unsuspecting opponents; he then launched into an astounding leap toward the hoop, igniting a mix of cheers and shocked gasps from the audience. Even the animatronic pet dog Major—which the Biden administration swears is alive and well—let out an impressed bark. The powerful slam dunk, quickly dubbed the “Biden Boogie,” sent the press into a frenzy as they rushed to capture footage of the monumental feet-defying slam. LSU players could only stare in awe of Biden's unprecedented skill and agility. The newly coined basketball star was quick to modestly recall his illustrious past, saying, “I’m just an Irish guy from Scranton with a penchant for three-pointers and whistle-stop diplomacy. Barack always said I had a mean left hook, but my secret weapon was my arm-to-rim technique. Kids, that’s what you need to succeed in the big leagues.” The White House press secretary issued a statement afterward, announcing that "all basketball games played or viewed at the White House will now begin with a traditional reenactment of the ‘Biden Boogie’ to properly pay homage to the President’s legendary dunk." President Biden has ushered in a new era of White House athleticism, proving once and for all that age is just a number on a jersey. As for the NCAA champs, they left the reception with a newfound respect for the man in the Oval Office – and a lesson in humility on the court.